This post has been updated since originally being filed.
Poverty stricken mother of the baby Keanu Reeves is adopting tells her story.
The mother of the little girl adopted by Keanu Reeves in Malawi has described her feelings of confusion and powerlessness in the face of the actor’s determination to take her only surviving child away.
Peasant Yohane Banda, who can barely read or write, admitted she didn’t fully understand what was happening when she went to court on Thursday in her best clothes to see for the first and only time the man who was offering her 13-month-old daughter a new life in the West.
All she knew, as she sat in her dirt-stained cotton skirt, a check blouse and her treasured black denim jacket at the High Court in Lilongwe, the capital of Malawi, was that the dark-haired caucasian man standing before
himher in a black suit was hoping to take her daughter away.Yohane’s court ordeal will further intensify criticism that Reeves had flown into the poor African country and used his wealth and celebrity status to try to steamroller authorities into granting a fast-track adoption.
…
Meanwhile Yohane, 31, whose husband Maro died a week after their daughter was born, was left to reflect on the confusing events of her day in court with Reeves.
This is despicable. Wealthy western men are able to rip away a child from a loving mother, a recent widow?
Are we not revolted by this!?
And why all the CRAP about how she was dressed? What does that matter? “dirt-stained cotton skirt”? Her “treasured black denim jacket”? How condescending and contemptuous of her. Come on, that’s all a blatant invitation to disrespect her. And her background as a peasant? vs. Reeve’s as a movie star!? WTF!?
That is so sexist. My Lord. If the situation were reversed, would we be talking about how a father was dressed? Disgusting.
Would we be dismissing him in that way via his social status? Despicable.
Moreover, some say Reeves has an odd sexual background. What if he might be trying to be some kind of ghastly pedophile and abuse that young girl. If nothing else, can he really raise her properly?
Oh wait.
Sorry.
I got that entire story totally wrong. It’s not Keanu Reeves; it’s Madonna. Yohane is not a widow, but a widower who lost his beloved wife. The child isn’t a girl, but a boy.
So there’s no problem. It’s just a dad and son being split up, and a woman is in control.
Commenting on his background, and the way he’s dressed is perfectly appropriate, it shows how much more important Madonna is than he.
Cool beans. Back to normal, all. No need for outrage. (And no, I don’t think Mr. Reeves is remotely a pedophile, just a bad actor who nevertheless entertains millions.)
UPDATE: Thanks to Biz for spotting a missed gender change on my part, rectified above via strikeout.
Some below seem to have the impression that I am suggesting it’s harder for a man to give up a child than a woman, or that the story of a woman being forced to give up her child to a foreigner is somehow less important than a man. This is not the case at all; by doing the gender reversal I was trying to point this out. Evidently this was a decidedly unsuccessful effort on my part — and/or I’m wrong on what I do believe — that flying in and taking a child away from a loving parent who doesn’t fully know or understand what’s going on (rather than helping the parent) is a bad thing.
I also believe far more effort is generally made to prevent a child being separated from his/her mother than his/her father. I readily admit Zogmama’s counterexample of Jolie’s adoption is a good one.
I also think the oft-made feminist complaint that reporters focus overly on a woman’s clothing is neatly countered here; Biz makes the excellent point, below, that this is in part a matter of bad reporting.
-wolfe
I would not call it despicable - he said he knew in court that he was giving the baby up for adoption. Of course, with all her money, she could have simply donated 10 million to the area and help to get rid of malaria etc.
I guess she isnt a member of this little club http://www.clintonglobalinitiative.org/NETCOMMUNITY/Page.aspx?&pid=346&srcid=-2
Sorry if that wrecks formatting, I can’t do links.
Use tinyurl. Or better yet, use [a href="http://thelink.com"]The Link[/a]
And replace ‘[' with '<' and ']‘ with ‘>’.
You don’t find it despicable? Your views are different from mine.
Donating lots of money doesn’t make things right.
-wolfe
What about judging without condemnation?
Thanks for the info.
Parents and children shouldn’t be idly separated. Even if the parent happens to be male. With respect, Female, I think your perspective is a tad off.
-wolfe
He was already separated from the child who was in an orphanage. He had therefore already given the child up and surely it will now have a much better life. Yes, it is a tragedy for the father, but who knows, Madonna may keep in contact with him, she may therefore end up doing good things for the village..the story isn’t over yet.
That’s a nice idea. I do wonder if your defense would be as zealous were the genders reversed.
-wolfe
Im not zealously defending, I am being objective. She didnt remove the infant from his house by force. He could not afford to care for the child and he had given the child up. I cant imagine how destitute and poverty stricken such an orphage may be, but I imagine it would be pretty bad and the infants chances of survival would not have been very high. Now the little boy has a family and a chance at survival, I therefore cant see this as despicable. Just my opinion and you are welcome to disagree with it but please do not question my motives or infer my opinion may have something to do with holding to an ideologue, because it does not.
“All she knew, as she sat in her dirt-stained cotton skirt, a check blouse and her treasured black denim jacket at the High Court in Lilongwe, the capital of Malawi, was that the dark-haired caucasian man standing before him in a black suit was hoping to take her daughter away”
Am I reading this wrong, or at some point did ’she’ become a ‘he’?… The man “standing before HIM”… Wasn’t the man (Keanu) standing before a woman (the peasant)?
OK, forgive the jumble, I’ve just woken up. Yeah, what’s with all the fuss about what the bio parent was wearing? But IMHO, even if the situation was reversed gender-wise they would still have paid undue attention to the clothing, because that was the work of a rather half-arsed reporter or whatever, and they all write the same way and pay attention (in flowery, overdone ways) to such things.
Mmmmm…. not making much more sense. What I mean is that I’ve read similar/identical cases of adoption from poor parent to rich celeb and when such a case is handled by a (new?) journalist/reporter, they always toss in references to the scene/clothes that have nothing to do with the legal process. Think it’ll ‘humanize’ the report somwehat, or whatever.
And yes, this is regardless of the gender of the reporter. Since it’s cool to be metrosexual. I LOATHE that style of writing; it became fashionable when I was 12 (I’m 18 now) and I’ve hated it ever since. You know what I mean, hard to describe but awful and an abomination to the beautiful world of literature. Ugh.
I am such a literary snob though, I’m sure reading such things doesn’t get up anyone elses’ nose as much as it does mine.
See, now I’ve replied to the ‘mirror’ of the true story, and now I must read the link… One moment.
OK I tried to submit a comment (not sure as to whether it worked or not) and all these error messages came up…
I had to type in a code shown in some little box etc. This is the first time I’ve had a problem posting on your blog wolfe.
Umm the real story read that ‘he was bewildered as to the speed with which his child had been put up for adoption’ or something like that; almost makes it sound as though he had no choice.
Which would be unforgivable.
As far as adoption works, and as far as wet-behind-the-ears reporters/columnists writing about it goes, it always sounds like a sob story with random overdramatized descriptions thrown in. Or maybe that’s just my perception of it; wasn’t there a very similar fuss from the biological mother of Zahara, when Angelina Jolie adopted her?
I agree with BIZ on the standard journalistic description of clothes, even Madonna’s outfit gets a mention - a simple black dress and knee high boots.
Western corruption at it’s most disgusting and repugnant.
Africa and the Mideast are thousands of years behind us, evolutionary speaking. The road to hell is paved with the good intentions of Empire, and little evil like this and huge voids of darkness like Iraq are fine examples.
Cut all foreign aid, stop propping up the UN, redeploy all troops to US home bases, abandone support for Israel. If they can’t defend themselves then it is not God’s will for them to exist in a land full of Arabs. Are they not the chosen?
The Republic thrived, prospered, and became a world power due to it’s geography and isolationism. Everything that has ever happened after we tried to rule the world has ended in ruin and regret, for all involved.
This is a golden opportunity to comment on poverty and stewardship and responsibility. Or rather, it was, and some are still trying to make it so. Why do we have to focus on the gender of the parent? With the AIDS epidemic in Africa, this sort of tragedy is played out again and again. I remember no press regarding the adoption(s) of Angelina Jolie’s children - were they truly orphans, or also “taken” from a surviving parent who saw no hope in their present situation? Do we really believe that it is easier for a mother to make such a heinous Sophie’s choice regarding her children than for a father to do the same?
~Z~
Angelina Jolie’s adopted daughter Zahara was borne of an eighteen-year-old rape victim who could not find enough food to sustain herself and a child. She gave her baby up for adoption in the hope that she would have a chance to live.
Angelina Jolie’s adopted son Maddox was originally presented to the press as an orphan, but the facilitator of the adoption was later indicted, and it is thought that Maddox’ poverty-stricken mother was given $100 USD to give him up.
Do we remember these items being highlighted by the media? Or was it just a mother being separated from her child - no problem.
Despicable indeed.
~Z~
Obviously I expressed myself badly. Or you all are very stupid. Since I firmly believe I have very smart readers, I am forced to conclude I was the stupid one!
I’ve updated the post to correct an error, and to try to better explain myself. Not sure if that’s successful or not.
@Female, judging by the way everyone else is reading it, I reacted too harshly to your criticism. Sorry.
@BIZ, Thanks for the gender correction; as you no doubt now grasp, I switched the genders (and names of the personalities) for effect.
@BIZ and Female, you are both missing something on the gender/clothing description. It’s a common feminist complaint that women are demeaned by always having descriptions of how they’re dressed filed as parts of stories. My point was that this happens to men as well — and can be far more condescending and demeaning in some cases, like this. I felt reversing the genders would convey this point strikingly; obviously I failed.
@BIZ That said, your comment about lazy journalism is excellent, and you’re expressing much of what I tried to.
Umm the real story read that ‘he was bewildered as to the speed with which his child had been put up for adoption’ or something like that; almost makes it sound as though he had no choice.
Yep. And that to me is disgusting. Sorry.
That’s the spam filtration system at work. Sorry that its annoying; it’s really, really, necessary. This blog gets swarmed with spam — yeah, even a little blog like this. Some heuristic was triggered that made the system think you were trying to spam; you had to prove your credentials. If it continues to be annoying to you, please, please let me know, and I’ll see if I can whitelist you in some way.
Gwallan is suffering from the same problem as far as I know.
More to follow (replying to Zog and Son)
-wolfe
@Zogmama: On stewardship and responsibility, yes, I respect that view.
I must really sux0rz at communicating my thoughts. Because that’s not what I believe at all. Switching the gender was to a) twit people on clothing comments; b) express my strong view that fathers are denied rights more easily than mothers.
I genuinely believe that men and fathers are viewed as second class citizens in many cases. I see great outrage in the media, where, were the genders reversed, there would be no outrage.
The Jolie case you cite is an imperfect parallel (and yes, I do remember media furor and feminists commenting).
Jolie, being female, is somewhat insulated from criticism in western media when it comes to motherhood.
I believe this to be true. I readily concede there’s nasty stuff dumped on women — the whole wealthy columnist “supermom” debate is a good example — but I genuinely believe Jolie’s gender gives her a degree of cover.
Do you honestly think that if Keanu Reeves had sought to adopt a daughter from a poor confused peasant widow via an orphanage desperate to rake in adoption fees… that the media’d be silent? There’d be all sorts of speculation and nastiness. With Madonna? A woman who simulates masturbation on stage and gets ‘crucified’? Nearly nothing.
You’re welcome to argue I’m wrong. You’re welcome to argue I’ve expressed myself badly. I think you’d be wrong on the former and right on the latter.
As for stewardship, yeah, that’s a tough one. It has to be effective and productive for the future, not a bandaid.
-wolfe
@Female, judging by the way everyone else is reading it, I reacted too harshly to your criticism. Sorry.
Cheers FWIW I was only giving my opinion, not criticising yours.
@Son of the Suns, welcome to this blog. You’re welcome to post freely, as long as you abide by the rules (See “About” at the top). Basically, think of this place as my living room and be polite to people even if you think their ideas are wrong and foolish.
The idea that Africa and the Middle East are thousands of years “behind”? That’s a curious suggestion.
Yeah, Africans can generally run faster, lift more, and score somewhat lower on IQ tests than white guys. (I assume you’re a white guy, and that’s what you mean by ‘us’).
And most Jews run slower, lift less, and score considerably higher on IQ tests than white guys.
Most Asians run a bit slower, lift a bit less, and score slightly higher on IQ tests than white guys.
If there’s an “evolutionary progression” which there may be… it’s far from clear white guys are advanced very far along it. Indeed, the evidence is precisely the reverse.
Arguably, whites have succeeded because of incredibly powerful and sensible cultural and religious institutions.
You’re welcome to be politically incorrect here. You’re welcome to make intellectually coherent arguments based on race, even if they are wrong.
But please let me put you quietly on notice: if you apply that to any individual posting here, then you will be booted from my virtual ‘living room’. If you offend my very generous sense of common decency — which, after all, includes even Female! — then you’ll be booted.
-wolfe
It’s called cultural evolution.
The theory that democracy works where people in Mideast live in the 14th century, or people in Africa believe having sex with virgins cures you of AIDS, has been disproven for years and years. Yet no one learns the lessons. Why would they? It’s the poor white trash who die in these adventures of worshipping the GOD of global democracy. The most expendable and discriminited against group in the West is young lower class white males.
In Iraq, when we withdrawal the only good we will be able to claim as the region breaks out into bloody civil war, is that we took out Saddam. As a military vet, I can assure you that could have been done with a few months of study by the CIA and an experienced team of DELTA or SEALS.
But, instead we tried to show Iraqis our neo-con Trotskyte GOD, global democracy, and 3000 of my brothers will have died for it. Somalia was even more of an embarassment because we lost lives and didn’t even capture the main agitator.
Well I think quite enough has been said! I shan’t need to add more!
But interesting story with interesting twists, you.
Certainly gives one pause, if nothing else.
(Now everyone show your paws.)
meow
Okay fine! I have a short comment (well maybe it won’t be short). Sophie’s choice type decision? How does that at all apply here? Sophie had to decide which child should be put to death!
I know that most people who give up their children don’t want to do so. They do it because they think it will be best for the child or themselves, but I think it’s rarely an easy choice. No matter where you live. I agree that when the story is written, women receive much more sympathy than men. Men have a history of being harder and more tyrannical than women. A man having to give up a child so that it can go live with a rich celebrity is not going to at all elicit any sympathy. But the little widow in tattered clothes whose only crime is that she is poor is clearly made to look like a victim. I have no idea whether or not celebrities are flying off to third world countries snatching children out of the arms of loving parents, and I seriously doubt that any of us will ever know. The media is not known for its truthful revelations.
But I do know that right here under our noses, children are being neglected right and left. I have friends who have dreams of someday owning a home where they can house unwanted children. To them I say, “How about if you just show some care to the unwanted children in your own neighborhood? I guarantee you, they are there aplenty.” I can run myself ragged trying to find a child that needs some good influences in their lives. I can run from fertility clinic to fertility clinic trying to bear a child that can receive all this abundant benevolence pouring out of me. But the fact is, we already have so many of them that could benefit from that love. Let’s start right where we live.
@Teri: Sophie chose to save one of her children, but to never see him again. That was my only point - again awkwardly made. My apologies.
~Z~
My argument is
-there are a lot of children (and adults) living miserable lives in Africa and it’s tough to tell how to best help them. Money isn’t doing it;
-Flying in and adopting one or two children doesn’t seem to be a good way;
-I genuinely believe our global society is heavily biased in favor of women having custody — even foreign women of a different race with no real connection to the child vs the child’s biological father. You’d have to argue hard to persuade me I’m wrong.
The points others — especially Zogmama — have made here are very valid.
-wolfe
wolfe, to adopt infants and children from overseas is not simple, at least if you are Australian. While I’m not wanting to put this on a financial level, the minimum spend is 40k and it is a rigourous screening procedure (of the parents) and takes years, even if you are married and a highly qualified professional. In saying that though, I do agree that there exists a bias to grant women custody. Family court outcomes in AU are 73% in the mother’s favour.
I find it kind of ironic that the men on mabtw who profess that a woman’s only role is to be an incubator and mother to a child, would then have a problem with granting mother’s priority access over fathers…
there are a lot of children (and adults) living miserable lives in Africa and it’s tough to tell how to best help them. Money isn’t doing it
Do you really know that? If this is true, then surely rather than charity, the best thing to do would be to adopt?
Yeah. The US has dumped more than the Marshall plan into Africa and it’s not worked. There are corruption problems, tribal problems…
No, ganking kids out of their culture? That’s good for one or two people but let’s try and raise the standard of living of EVERYONE in Malawi for example).
Not just 1-2. I admit, that’s a tough problem to solve.
Microcredit for female entrepreneurs (google it) seems to be a good start. Yes, that’s what some would view as a ’50’s feminist solution. At least it’s 50’s.
-wolfe the 50’s feminist.
No, ganking kids out of their culture? That’s good for one or two people but let’s try and raise the standard of living of EVERYONE in Malawi for example,
That idea was in my initial post where I suggested she could do more good by donating $.
I don’t like Bill Clinton, we all know that, but I think his philanthropic club is not only amazing PR for the members but a fabulous idea. I’m not sure how many women are in his club, but it seems lately that wealthy men are becoming political activists to raise money or donate it and solve global problems (thinking of the other two I don’t like - Geldof and Bono), plus, everyone’s favourite superhero, Sir Richard Branson. Wealthy women seem to be trying to do the same but at the familial level by adopting overseas, poor children, ie Jolie, now Madonna. At least they are doing something.
Re: microcredit, I am guessing you are talking about microfinance which The Nobel Prize was recently awarded for, right?
@Female, yep that’s a big part of it. (microcredit/Nobel prize).
On the Bill Clinton thing (I dislike him; I think he exploits women in a truly dubious fashion) yes, he has an interesting idea, but that fashion of ‘help’ that’s via money? It’s not worked.
And that messes me up as a Christian, since I am personally horrible at evangelism and missionary work. (I know; I’ve tried. And failed.). What else is there, then?
-wolfe
I am hesitant to think that money doesn’t do any good. I like the idea of installing wells and sewerage systems and Doctors without Borders, as well as sponsorship of people to come to the West, learn a trade or something else of value which they can then take back to their community and use to develop.
Hopefully some other posters will also answer your question.
It doesn’t do enough good.
-wolfe
Perhaps nothing does “enough” good, nor ever will, but I don’t believe it’s a reason to do nothing. Bill and Melinda Gates are on the right track, I think. I’m also quite fond of the Heifer Project, which operates on the principle of “teaching a man to fish.” I think that many people (wolfe and I certainly) reach a philosophical impasse when it comes to estimating the nobility, or perhaps the charity, of our fellow men.
I’m no Madonna apologist; I think she’s a shameless self-promoter, but she has donated a significant amount of money to establish an orphanage in Malawi. I think that fast-tracking her adoption (the rest of us would have to reside in Malawi for a year before being allowed to adopt a native child) was a desperation move on the part of the government, in the hope of bringing more attention to the plight of the orphans.
The motive may be debatable, but a hungry child probably doesn’t care about that if it puts food in his mouth.
Respectfully abschickened by
~Z~
Maybe you’re right Z. I’ve sincere doubts, but maybe you’re right. The Heifer Project — interesting. I’ve always liked things based on the Grameen bank. Microcredit loans do seem to disproportionately benefit women, and I actually don’t think that’s a bad thing at all.
-wolfe