Language advisory in this post.
I should have been a coward. I can’t imagine why I did what I did other than testosterone and arrogance. Yeah, wolfe is occasionally arrogant. Sorry.
Here’s the story. My telling it arises out of a post on MABTW where SotS said “Fleeing from a battle you did not ask for is the epitome of cowardice.”.
I thought that statement was foolish and poorly thought out. And I respect the lad greatly. But he was a damn fool for saying what he said. (And only I’m allowed to say that; he’s a respected member of this community, so don’t give him a tough time.)
Here’s a true story.
When I was younger, I’d just come back from a camping trip. So I’d changed into “suit wolfe” garb, looking like every Wall-Street businessman (except my suit was off-the-rack), carrying my Samsonite briefcase. But I still had some of the accoutrements of the trip.
And I’m walking along a park pathway, consumed in my thoughts. Yeah. Bad situational awareness. At least it’s broad daylight.
So a bunch of tough young punks (16-21), about 6 of them, close in on me. Again. Bad situational awareness.
“Hey dude. Give us your money”.
He held a knife. 4 to 5 inches, if you want to know. Some kind of crap switchblade. Weak, as Eric Cartman would say.
“Piss off”. (I don’t normally use vulgarity but I’m certainly not going to refrain from doing so when scumbags are trying to rob me).
“Give us your money or we slice you up”
Inwardly, I chilled. Death was near and I could feel the soft silent beat of his wings.
Controlled, I said “I need to open my briefcase”.
Slowly, I did so. I reached in, and I made my choice.
My thumb flicked the leather sheath’s latch and my glorious hunting knife, brought back by (my at times too distant) Dad, from Austria, came forth, naked.
I had to pull it out of the case carefully, scraping the sheath off the blade.
I couldn’t resist.
I looked at the young punk’s 4 or 5″ blade.
“You call that a knife? Now this is a knife”
I drew on memory… I sure didn’t need to draw on courage; my veins were on fire.
“There are 6 of you. If you rush me, you will win, and get my wallet. I will kill three of you, I guarantee it. Two more will be badly wounded, and the final may escape unscathed”
I couldn’t believe time stood still long enough for me to say that. It sounded like something out of the movies. It was. I wasn’t running on my courage, I was running on society’s representation of old-school male courage. And it fucking worked for me.
“But three of you will die, I guarantee it. The rest of you will be wounded, perhaps crippled, and all for forty dollars in my wallet.”
“Do you wish that”?
And they retreated. They ran.
I was almost disappointed.
Yet had I fled from this battle? I’d not be a coward.
Hell no.
I’d have been smart. I was an idiot. If I’d been married my wife would possibly have been justified in divorcing me on this. I made an arrogant call, to engage where I could have fled.
Yet. Fleeing from a battle you did not ask for is NOT the epitome of cowardice.
I was an idiot for behaving as I did. If I’d been smart, I’d have done the ‘cowardly thing’. Doesn’t make me a coward, simply makes me a human being. A man. As it was, I as arrogant, and risked it all on a toss of the die. I won. I was ‘brave’. And damn near got myself killed.
I’m no more a man for saying “you call that a knife”? and standing up, than I’d be for fleeing. That’s that.
Note that the calculus changes totally were I with a woman. My sole goal then, would be her survival. Then my arrogance would be courageous and appropriate. Alone? It was stupid and arrogant. Foolish. But I’m a man. And that’s that.
-wolfe
You’re too modest wolfe. The Gods care not if your courage comes from your heart or cultural memes, as long as you wield it against the scum of society.
I appreciate that SotS, and, say what I will, it probably came mostly from my heart — my blood was indeed boiling. But that’s not my point.
My point is that fleeing would have been RATIONAL. SENSIBLE.
If I’d been defending something other than $40, then what I did might have made sense. Otherwise… fleeing a battle I did not call for? THAT would have been sensible, and not cowardly. There’s where I say you’re mistaken, my friend. (And I use that term with respect).
To put it another way, if 3 men with knives come up to you, threaten you, and you respond by kicking one in the balls, throwing sand in the face of the other two, are you a coward?
No.
You’re a man who lives to fight another day.
I really don’t agree with your “Fleeing from a battle you did not ask for is the epitome of cowardice”.
-wolfe
Naw.. I wouldn’t have divorced you. I like that about you.
Now myself, I’d have given them the money. Not based on cowardice but because material possessions are not worth much to me. And there’s always more where that came from.
I’m not afraid to die. Or be hurt. I’ve been hurt so much in my life that I’m afraid that I don’t even know how to be afraid any more.
Now if they would have pulled a knife and threatened another person, I may well become a force to be reckoned with. Even as you know me to be a pacifist, I think instinct would run strong and I might tear out their throats with my bare teeth.
I’m with Teri - besides, anyone who took my wallet would be sorely disappointed.
I discovered when I went solo that I only worry or have trouble sleeping when I am home alone with my boys - never when I’m ALONE alone. I think my biggest concern is not having the time or ability to defend both of them against an intruder. Alone? Sleep like a baby.
As I once told their father - I love you dearly, but if you ever harm one of my children, you’re nothing but a stranger to me and I will take you apart.
The look in his eyes told me he had no doubt.
And anyone who stole my identity would probably just have to improve on it. I once told my son that I haven’t had a good name in years. He said, “Mom, to your children you will always have the very best of names.”
Hey! I wrote about my kids at my blog today! (I rarely write there any more. I write here more often than there!)
Can women be cowards?
Women are cowards when they choose a lover over their child, when they defer to a man’s opinion rather than voicing their own for fear of appearing foolish, and when they tell everyone BUT their friend or lover of that person’s faults.
Women are cowards when they stay in an abusive situation and teach their children that it is acceptable to feel worthless.
I was thinking the same thing…In my neck of the woods there is just such an example in the headlines right now. A family was fleeing the abusive stepfather and the 13-year-old boy of the family made sure his mother and his 2 little sisters got out the door first, then he went, and the piece of dirt shot him in the head and killed him. By all accounts this boy was on his way to becoming an exemplary man. What a waste. What was the mother thinking in taking up with this loser? He would routinely patrol his property and shoot his gun when he saw “intruders” (people passing by). I don’t understand why he was allowed to keep his guns after that.
Hmmm…..Intriguing to be sure, especially when one looks closer on the aspects. Was it wrong to risk life and limb for a mere forty dollars? Perhaps, but would it have been right to allow those who darken our streets and our lives with such criminal acts to victimize yet another citizen? Perhaps not. Is it not right to stand against injustice rather than give in or turn a blind eye to it? Indeed I find your actions very courageous, for I heard once that “courage is not the absence of fear, but doing what is right in the face of fear.â€?
Then again I can also understand your point Wolfe about doing the smart or “cowardly� thing. Even the mighty samurai in all their battles and legendary sword skills said that “ultimate mastery means never having to draw your blade.�
Thus I offer my opinion on this, which is that courage lies not in the actions of a man, but rather in the intent behind his actions.
- Oldone
Regarding Oldone’s above-referenced comment: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but doing what is right in the face of fear.” I think wolfe was saying that what he did in spite of his fear was not “right”; it was notfor the right intentions. He did not undertake the action he took in order to free the citizenry from the future criminal acts of the thugs (nor am I saying he should have). He did what he did out of anger (justified) and out of the desire for revenge, to “put them in their place.” It would not have been an act of cowardice to run because he would not have been compromising a tenet of his moral code.
It could also be boiled down into the old, concise adage, “Pick your battles.”
AllyC mostly (95%) has it. Well said. I did what I did out of emotion rather than rational thought. Bad. The outcome may have been good, but the motives weren’t.
-wolfe
Well I still believe, wolfe, that anyone out there who is holding out for a hero is surely waiting for you.
Indeed Wolfe, but a “righteous” indignation is without question a justified cause.
-Oldone
This is loosely apropos of this thread, and I find this guy kind of amusing:
Fred on Everything: Male Dogs
Edited by wolfe to fix link.
Feh, my link it not go through. wolfe, can you aid? Otherwise, he really is funny, I think, and so I do entreat you visit..
@AllyC No prob. You need to use HTML for links (yeah, I know it kinda sucks.) So:
(a href=”http://www.allyc.com/mysite.htm)My site.(/a)
Where you replace ‘(’ with ”. And, obviously, replace http:// http://www.allyc.com/... with whatever the site that you want to point to is.
@Teri Heh. And Streets of Fire remains one of my favorite movies (They used that song, as did Footloose). Rick Moranis > all.
@Oldone ‘a “righteousâ€? indignation’: Very true.
I think one of the challenges of our modern society is for men to discern the difference between righteous anger and simply anger and position protecting.
For women? Well, the challenges are possibly more severe, if only because the legal system has granted them a very great deal. Ironically, this waits as a trap for some women who work hard and fall through the cracks.
Best, always,
-wolfe
wolfe-Thanks for the assist. I looked around on the site and did not find any clear directive about which to use and I gambled…but I’m a bit of a Luddite anyway. Cell phone? I’d like to do away with my land line. I don’t understand people who thinks it’s a blessing that they can be reached all the time, anywhere. It’s a curse!
Actually, on cell phones, I agree with you, though I had one foisted on me by the company I work with.
Blackberry’s? I resisted that. (The ‘email push’ devices with miniature keyboards). Outstanding technology from a fine company, but not something I want. I carry a Nokia 770 — big screen, no keyboard. I can receive, but not transmit. Awesome.
-wolfe
Cell Phones:
The point of having a cell phone is for my convenience, not theirs. My sister resisted for a long time in getting one because she said she didn’t like being that available. My rule is that you can call me anytime, day or night. If I don’t want the ring to wake me then I have the power to turn off the ringer (or the phone). I also have the power to not answer the phone if I do not want to be “interrupted” for one reason or another. *wink* There is also voicemail, which I think is practically useless on a cell phone, since almost every phone call you missed is displayed. I find it tedious to call my voicemail and have to sift through messages just to hear, “It’s me. Call me.” ?? I mean, if I see I missed your call, I’m gonna call you.
There are social rules which should be spread far and wide, regarding cell phones. Sure, some people can drive and talk at the same time. Same people know how to adjust the radio/stereo and drive at the same time. Some people can’t. I don’t see a problem with it, except that no one seems to know which category they fall into.
If you are in the company of others, you should not be answering your cell phone (in fact, it shouldn’t even ring) unless you are expecting an important call and you excuse yourself (just like with a landline, in the old days). In a car, no one should be having cell phone chats with people. It leaves the others in the car having to listen to your conversation without the freedom of talking to one another or listening to music as a distraction (since they are busy trying to be quiet so you can hear). The list goes on and on and it’s just so simply resolved by saying, “Just consider the fact that you are not in a bubble with your phone!”
It’s been my job to have to teach these rules to young people. I don’t think this is grievous, since how could they really know better? But when I see people my age pulling that crap, I get a little irked.
I didn’t get a cell phone until I was separated. That is really dumb, since our family was often “separated” anyway, but the reasoning was to give my older child a phone on my plan, so that he could call me from his Dad’s home.
Interestingly enough, the only “abuse” I’ve had as a result was perpetrated by my ex, who, whenever he had the kids, would find reasons to call me. And often. Like every 1/2 hour for the five hours or so that he had them in his care. Now, since I couldn’t *not* answer my phone (what if one of the kids was lost? injured? swallowed a penny? OK - they’re too old for that, but you get my drift), I ended up losing out on a budding relationship. Seems men without kids don’t dig being interrupted by the ex-husband on EVERY SINGLE DATE.
I’m smarter now. If I’m socializing (and even if I’m not), the kids know that I won’t answer my phone. If a message is left, I’ll call back ASAP. And the ASAP is anywhere from 15 seconds to 15 minutes. Guess what? I don’t get those calls any more. Unfortunately, that’s not all I’m not getting any more. Too late smart.
~Z~
@Wolfe “I think one of the challenges of our modern society is for men to discern the difference between righteous anger and simply anger and position protecting.”
I fear my friend that for such to happen men must first remember such things as Honor, Valor, Loyalty, Honesty, Courage and Chivalry; and that these are not the “Four Letter” words that society has made them out to be. For of a truth, how can one disern righteous anger lest they first know what it means to be righteous? I shall stop before I require a box to stand on.
- Oldone