For certain readers… a warm and fuzzy Christmas story. Stolen from Saturday Night Live:
Scott: You don’t look like Santa. Santa’s supposed to have a red suit and a cherry nose. You have a black suit and your nose is..
Hanukkah Harry: [waves the description off] You’re a very smart boy. I’m not Santa Claus, I’m Hanukkah Harry.
Christine: Hanukkah Harry?
Hanukkah Harry: Yes, Santa, he had a stomach virus, so I’m filling in, bringing toys to all the Gentile boys and girls. Now Christine, Santa told me you’ve been very good. So I’m being especially nice to you. (hands her a present)
Christine: (excitedly rips open her gift) Socks?!
Hanukkah Harry: EIGHT pair, can you believe it?! And Scott, for you, some slacks!
[Scott opens a box with a pair of men's pants.]
Hanukkah Harry: They’re a little big, but you’ll grow into ‘em.
Christine: “Gee, Hanukkah Harry, Thanks and everything, but normally Santa brings us toys and fun stuff.
Scott: Fun! Ha! Have I got fun! Christine, for you - a dreidel! And for you, son, some chocolate coins.
[The children are obviously disappointed.]
Christine: Wait a minute, I get it!
Scott: Get what?
Christine: Well you know how we’re always jealous of Rachel and Josh down the block ’cause they always get Hanukkah presents for 8 nights? Well maybe these are the kind of presents they get, so we shouldn’t be jealous!
Scott: You’re right! You’re right!
Christine: And if Hanukkah Harry is helping Santa, maybe that means that Christians and Jews, deep down, are pretty much the same. Maybe that’s the true meaning of Christmas!
[The group is surprised by the sound of sleigh bells and the sound of "Ho! Ho! Ho!" coming from outside.]
Kids: It’s Santa! Santa!
Hanukkah Harry: He must have tried the cottage cheese!”
[Santa slides down the chimney, fit as a fiddle, while the kids shriek and jump in disbelief.]
Santa Claus: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Christine: (hugging Santa) “Santa Claus, it’s really YOU!
Santa Claus: Yes Christine, your little speech about the true meaning of Christmas magically cured my flu! Now I can relieve Hanukkah Harry and deliver all the toys to all the gentile boys and girls!Santa Claus: (digs through his sack) “Christine, Your not supposed to open this ’til tomorrow.
Hanukkah Harry: Oh COME ON!
Santa Claus: Alright, it’s a Barbie make-me-pretty!
Christine: OH THANK YOU SANTA!
Santa Claus: Scott, this is for you - a pellet gun!
Scott: We love you Santa!
Hanukkah Harry: What am I, molded white fish all of a sudden?
Whoo Hoo! Guns for the boys and barbies for the girls. Now that’s warm and fuzzy!
-wolfe