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A warm and fuzzy Christmas Story

Wednesday, December 20th, 2006

For certain readers… a warm and fuzzy Christmas story. Stolen from Saturday Night Live:

Scott: You don’t look like Santa. Santa’s supposed to have a red suit and a cherry nose. You have a black suit and your nose is..

Hanukkah Harry: [waves the description off] You’re a very smart boy. I’m not Santa Claus, I’m Hanukkah Harry.

Christine: Hanukkah Harry?

Hanukkah Harry: Yes, Santa, he had a stomach virus, so I’m filling in, bringing toys to all the Gentile boys and girls. Now Christine, Santa told me you’ve been very good. So I’m being especially nice to you. (hands her a present)

Christine: (excitedly rips open her gift) Socks?!

Hanukkah Harry: EIGHT pair, can you believe it?! And Scott, for you, some slacks!

[Scott opens a box with a pair of men's pants.]

Hanukkah Harry: They’re a little big, but you’ll grow into ‘em.

Christine: “Gee, Hanukkah Harry, Thanks and everything, but normally Santa brings us toys and fun stuff.

Scott: Fun! Ha! Have I got fun! Christine, for you - a dreidel! And for you, son, some chocolate coins.

[The children are obviously disappointed.]

Christine: Wait a minute, I get it!

Scott: Get what?

Christine: Well you know how we’re always jealous of Rachel and Josh down the block ’cause they always get Hanukkah presents for 8 nights? Well maybe these are the kind of presents they get, so we shouldn’t be jealous!

Scott: You’re right! You’re right!

Christine: And if Hanukkah Harry is helping Santa, maybe that means that Christians and Jews, deep down, are pretty much the same. Maybe that’s the true meaning of Christmas!

[The group is surprised by the sound of sleigh bells and the sound of "Ho! Ho! Ho!" coming from outside.]

Kids: It’s Santa! Santa!

Hanukkah Harry: He must have tried the cottage cheese!”

[Santa slides down the chimney, fit as a fiddle, while the kids shriek and jump in disbelief.]

Santa Claus: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Christine: (hugging Santa) “Santa Claus, it’s really YOU!
Santa Claus: Yes Christine, your little speech about the true meaning of Christmas magically cured my flu! Now I can relieve Hanukkah Harry and deliver all the toys to all the gentile boys and girls!

Santa Claus: (digs through his sack) “Christine, Your not supposed to open this ’til tomorrow.

Hanukkah Harry: Oh COME ON!

Santa Claus: Alright, it’s a Barbie make-me-pretty!

Christine: OH THANK YOU SANTA!

Santa Claus: Scott, this is for you - a pellet gun!

Scott: We love you Santa!

Hanukkah Harry: What am I, molded white fish all of a sudden?

Whoo Hoo! Guns for the boys and barbies for the girls. Now that’s warm and fuzzy!

-wolfe

TV being watched

Friday, March 17th, 2006

There’s so much crap on the networks nowadays. Some gems, but the amount of good content has only doubled or tripled, and the number of channels has grown by 100-fold.

Last year, I tried Desperate Housewives. My girlfriend liked it; what can I say. For a show created by a gay Republican, it was pretty cool. That said, it rapidly descended into soap-opera crap. Though I do think Marcia Cross is pretty hot. And her character? Any woman on prime-time TV that keeps a picture of Ronald Reagan in her front hall can’t be that bad.

Then, again last year, there was Lost. It was OK, but really, it treated the viewer like a child, rapidly doing sharp twists with little or no previous foundation. The casting was superb, but once we’d seen the backstories of the main characters a time or two, it diminished. And got flakey.

The US version of The Office? It looked like a total dud last year, a pale anemic version of the UK hit. This year? Quite different. The writing has stepped up to the plate, and the show works. It’s funny. I give this thing 3 stars (out of 4). It’s worth a try if you liked the UK version and thought last years US effort was crap.

Monk? My perennial favorite. An offbeat detective show shown on the USA cable network, it’s fun. Starring Arab-American (in one of the few non-jihadi roles available for Arabs) Tony Shalhoub [ed. Corrected original misspelling as Sholhoub] as Detective Adrian Monk, it’s crisply written, with some excellent acting. Monk’s character is crippled by doubt and haunted by the death of his beloved wife. Barely able to function, he remains an outstanding Sherlock Holmes style detective. His nurse/assistant pushes him to do things (if only so she can get paid by him!) and the supporting cast is well-played. The mysteries are often done in semi-revealed style, where we see the crime taking place, and even sometimes who did it, but it’s not as complete a reveal as the classic Columbo series.

Corner Gas: This is an off-beat Canadian comedy series now in its third season. If you liked Red Green, you’ll probably love this. If you like good low-key comedy (not US style), then this is a good bet. This is exactly the kind of show that could only be made in Canada or Australia. Set in a small Saskatchewan town that contains a newspaper, a police station, a gas bar and a restaurant — and not much else — the Canadian ensemble delivers time and again.

Battlestar Galactica: Had to have one sci-fi masterpiece. Or not, as the case may be. This show is good. Great? No. Good, yes. The scripting varies almost schizophrenically with an occasional bad episode that had so much promise. Fortunately, most episodes are good episodes that live up to their promise. Impressively, characters that have been around for years continue to play significant roles, albiet generally only as minor characters. This is most unusual for a North American (i.e., US) show.

Oh and the new Dr. Who. Check it out when it premieres.

What are you watching?

-wolfe